Sunday Philosophy Moment: “We’re Just Not Compatible”
It’s sunday so i can be philosophical on my business blog, right? Ok. So I have a dear friend of mine, Gavin. He is incompatible with shelfish. Even if utensils used to cook clams were used to flip a steak he eats, he ends up unable to breath — swollen throated — convulsing on the floor.
We either have to shoot his heart with a 4 inch adrenalin syringe fully pulp fiction style or poke a hole in his neck ala the evil boss man in Ong Bak.
So, he eats chicken and beef and pork — incompatibility solved.
Then, there are well known people like the brilliant Heath Leger. from what i heard in the tabloids, his ex girlfriend leaving him wrecked him. He was incompatible with a world where his ex didn’t love him. So he left.
It seems that in the face of incompatibility, we only see two options.
1) Leave and Look for Greener Pastures
2) Stay and Be Miserable
I want to propose a third option.
Fascinatingly, this third option is the most reasonable, logical, and obvious option. More than that, it will actually make you happy.
I don’t know who started the fucking (it’s sunday so I’m departing from business ettiquite (hell, im not even running a spell check)) moronic notion that happiness is something to be pursued! This third option will make you happy. Which in turn, makes you and your lover 100% compatible.
Think about it.
You are NOT incompatible with your lover. You are incompatible with how your lover fulfills your expectations.
You are NOT incompatible with this beautiful human being that used to make you extatic about just being alive today.
You are incompatible with YOUR perception of how your lover fulfills YOUR expectations.
In other words,
You are incompatible with YOUR perception of how your lover fulfills YOUR expectations.
Did you notice that? No. Not the fact that I didn’t use other words. The fact that your lover is not at fault. You lover did nothing wrong. Your unhappiness is solely a result of YOUR perception of how well your lover fulfills YOUR expectations.
When you started dating, you were extatic just to get a text message back. In the beginning, you were thrilled out of your mind after your first 1 hour conversation.
Now, 5 different sex positions three times a week just isn’t enough for you. Now, he just doesn’t seem to notice your subtle communications. Now, she’s just not hot enough, Now, he’s just not rich enough.
So you try and change each other.
You try to force another human being to perfectly fit YOUR perception of how they should fulfill YOUR expectations.
They did nothing wrong.
They just lived their lives.
Guys, did you ever get a signed document that looked like this:
I, woman, will deliver the following according to the timeline presented herein,
1) By the 5th date wherein man spends more than $40, I will make sure he gets laid. If not by me, by one of my hotter girlfriends.
2) After the 2nd time we have sex, I will commit to having sex with man atleast three times a week, with the exception of the week of my period, wherein we will have full intercourse once. The other two sex events will be mitigated by oral sex.
3) After we move in together, I will always be in a good mood.
4) After marriage, I will love and respect you. OH. Wait.
5) After our first child, I will go to the gym twice a day every day — just like Heidi Klum (except for sunday, wherein I will go to the gym only once and mitigate the other missed gym visit will oral sex).
None of us get an explicit commitment of what we can expect from each other over time. And yet, as we get more, our greed, ego, selfishness, desire, and whatever childhood unfulfilled issues keeps creating greater and greater expectations.
Neither your lover nor life itself ever promised to give you more today than yesterday.
So if you leave your lover because you decided you were “incompatible.” It’s not your lover’s fault.
Ironically, this doesn’t mean you have to pick option #2: “Stay and Be Miserable.”
continued… for my facebook liker’s… below.
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